I know a guy...

Saturday was a trip over to Hong Kong. We met for breakfast at 7 so that we would have time to catch the 7:45 ferry. I was happily armed with my sunscreen, passport, and "top ten" travel book. Nothing could go wrong.

Mishap #1
So when you buy a ticket to Hong Kong, it is important to specify which port is the intended destination. Apparently saying "Hong Kong" in Kentucky English sounds a lot like Macau which is a Porteguese controlled island known for the casinos. As well, if you recognize this mistake immediately before the boat leaves, the only thing that can make the situation more interesting is to be unable to speak the language and have your friends already on the boat. Long story short, somehow my moment of loud-obnoxious-American worked -- headed to Kowloon.

Mishap #2
The ferry travels over 30mph (literally) which is not fast for a car but on water with some ocean waves, you can feel it. The ferry was setup like an airplane with nice seats and tray tables -- and we didn't realize until we got there that we had assigned seats. Getting off the boat, since we were near cargo ships, the swells were 3-4 feet. We were to meet friends of Jesse -- but there was some confusion as to location so we were delayed a 1/2 hour or so.

Mishap #3
We left the ferry and went to the subway -- now a group of 5. When you get on the subway, the subway will beep 9 times in rapid succession and then the doors will shut -- and I mean shut in such a way that it will bruise, break, or cut off appendages. Not kidding. 4 of us jumped on, Kathy didn't make it. While the train was zooming off, we signaled that we would come back. After calling her on the PA, traveling back, and waiting for a while -- we decided that she had gone on to meet us at our next location -- The Peak.

Mishap #4-11
Luckily for Kathy, she had our tour book with the map. To summarize, we finally got the right subway, bus and tram connection to make it there. The tram goes up at about 45 degrees and then you ride back down backwards. We were worried about finding Kathy, so we took turns with the views overlooking Hong Kong. Pretty amazing sites. At this point, I was not very successful at softly suggesting lunch.

The Guy
We get a hold of Andy Ward and Kathy had as well -- so we met at Stanley Market. The bus ride there is comparable to the rocky cliff drive of route 1 in California if you were in a double decker bus without brakes (as we seemingly were). Spectacular. Andy, it should be noted, could be left anywhere in the world and would eventually find his way around and pretty much know where all the good spots are located.

Stanley Market is where you get the good stuff and it is generally real. The booth were I got the pearls has pictures of folks that have bought there -- including Bill Clinton. I got some good black and pink pearl necklaces. Women of the family, fear no longer as I only have the obstacle of returning safely home with them. (...and yes I recognize that I am now jinxed). We had lunch at a good restaurant called "Beaches" where I split two meals with Kathy -- a veggie pizza which was a cheese pizza with cold iceberg lettuce on top (still good) and I ordred the black (squid's ink) fettucine with a tomato cream sauce/seafood. Both very good... This market was somewhat more sane, like a claustrophobic flea market with aggressive Chinese saleswomen.

I know a guy...
We then left for the Ladies market for watches. Jesse wanted to see if his watch could get fixed. The rest of the story is all hypothetical, made up completely for your reading pleasure. I am sure that it could have happened to someone, somewhere -- but never to me. Never in writing.

First, let me explain the concept of "a guy". I know a guy that is a pretty good at landscaping. I know a guy that can always lend you some tools. I know a guy that can fix your computer. This, by our new definition, is not "a guy".

If, hypothetically, I knew a guy, he could only be reached by cell phone and would send a "go between" to meet and verify you. This "go between", for security purposes would lead you through a maze of stalls and dark alleys to a locked apartment building were you would go through a couple of gated entries to an elevator -- which you would take to a floor above the real floor, then walk down the steps, knock a secret knock and go throught to a heavily gated apartment. This apartment would contain wall to wall knock off purses and watches. If they didn't have it, a call would be made and a courier would arrive with the merchandise. This would be if and only if I knew "a guy".

We had dinner at TGIFridays and I had a club sandwich. Strange. I then slept on the ferry ride back, breezed back through customs and I slept 7 hours through the night...