Wednesday, July 04, 2007

4th of July

Being in Europe, the fourth of July has a slightly different significance. It is required to come immediately before the 5th of July otherwise calendars everywhere would be messed up.

We did think that we would get to do the fireworks celebration thing. Apparently there are about 40,000 ex-pats here in Geneva. However, it is cancelled this year (no reason supplied). Instead, we went with option 2. We are going in to work. I am trying to talk everyone into seeing a movie later. Something intensely patriotic like Die Hard 4.

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

I only speak a little French

My french is improving. I would compare my growth to the speed of an advancing glacier (typically 1 cm an hour). While not Berlitz speedy, it is moving forward. Where I really am lacking is in the speed.

We went to McDonalds again, because, well that is what we do. I stare at the menu. I focus my language skills. I am ready with my order -- a burger on french bread and emmenthal cheese (not bad) combo meal. I step up to order and am bombarded with a series of questions.

(Translated from French)

Hello sir how are you and how can I help you today will that be for here or to go and what size and what drink with that and do you want fries or potatoes and how about a donut or an ice cream okay that will be 18.50.

To picture me, imagine that you have just been asked the most complex question in the world like "What is the origin of the universe?" or "What approach would you take in the Middle East?" or "What was Nicole thinking when she picked me?" You pause. You rewind. You hoped someone had the forethought to actually oil the gears which are trying to grind forward. Slowly you respond.

Also, count the number of words in that diatribe. Of course, I only respond based on concepts and not translation and cheat by reading the words/amounts on the register. Phew.

Coby takes an alternative approach. He walks up calmly. Looks the cashier in the eye, smiles and asks "Do you speak English?" to the response of "Yes, of course".

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Big Ideas for a Small Planet and some freaky stuff.

While I am keeping Coby company, I am watching my computer....

Timeout: What is the proper phrase here? You say that you are watching television, so if you are watching a dowload on your iTunes on the laptop, is that correct? Anyway, sorry random thought. Time in.

...and there is a great new show on the Sundance Channel called "Big Ideas for a Small Planet" which seems to intend to generate dialogue and inspire rather than beat people down (and by "people", I mean Americans") for their abuses. It is really helpful and hopeful. The show seemed to gain some momentum after the first episode, but I like it.

The other link that I watched was on YouTube -- First one is pretty cool. Second one was really cool -- but I am glad that it was not me as I would have cried like a little baby.

Derren Brown
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=evZmpsl3jI0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cjRAcajFte0

Why we didn't go to Sardinia

I almost forgot.

Friday night we were planning the weekend -- and were looking for cheap flights to somewhere exotic. There is a airline called "EasyJet" that has cheap flights to all over Europe.

Looking from Geneva, we found one that was reasonably priced. We could fly out on Saturday and return on Sunday. Perfect.
Island in the middle of the Mediterreanan. Perfect.
Noted for the beautiful beaches. Perfect.
Italian (so it didn't count as a new country). Acceptable.

...but here was the clincher...

I am pretty flexible with my choice of foods. Having spent some time in China, I can honestly say that I do not eat everything (knowing a little more about what "everything" is...), however I can easily say that I am more flexible than the average Joe. Here was one that made me not even want to go to the region. I can't even make this more dramatic than it is... taken directly from the wikipedia (so you know it is true). Read the whole excerpt. It gets better.

"Casu marzu (also called casu modde, casu cundhĂ­du, or in Italian formaggio marcio) is a cheese found in Sardinia, Italy, notable for being riddled with live insect larvae. Casu marzu means "rotten cheese" in Sardinian and is known colloquially as maggot cheese.

Derived from Pecorino Sardo, casu marzu goes beyond typical fermentation to a stage most would consider decomposition, brought about by the digestive action of the larvae of the cheese fly Piophila casei. These larvae are deliberately introduced to the cheese, promoting an advanced level of fermentation and breaking down of the cheese's fats. The texture of the cheese becomes very soft, with some liquid (called lagrima, from the Sardinian for "tears") seeping out. The larvae themselves appear as translucent white worms, about 8 mm (1/3 inch) long. When disturbed, the larvae can jump for distances up to 15 cm (6 inches), prompting recommendations of eye protection for those eating the cheese. Some people clear the larvae from the cheese before consuming; others do not."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_Marzu

Unbelievable.

I told Coby and that is simply the story of why we chose to stick with what we know.

Signs, Cheese and Freddie Mercury

I had shut the drapes and went to sleep without turning on the alarm (for once) so Coby called me at 10:30 to see if I was still coming down to go touring. We were headed off to Gruyeres, but armed a bit better than last weekend as we had ENGLISH directions on an ENGLISH map printed the day before in the office. Not that the German directions were not beautiful -- but these made the trip slightly more efficient. We headed out each of us in our normal roles. Me -- sensible driver, staying within 20% of the speed limit. Coby -- navigator and principle iPod DJ.

A special note on music -- when we hit Germany we play "99 Der Luftballoons", France -- "Lady Marmalade". We are waiting for someone on Coby's playlist to write one for Switzerland

We hit a bit of construction and I must say something about the artistry of the European standard signage. The construction sign doesn't simply imply that there is a bit of work going on -- it actually is a black and white drawing of a man with a shovel moving a bit of dirt from one larger pile to a smaller pile, and you can even see a rock that is rolling away. (This is slightly more than I need to watch as I am trying to navigate narrow and forced lane changes. ) There is also a couple of different signs for crosswalks. My favorite one is blue with a white drawing of a grandfather walking a little girl (I assume Heidi) across the street with love and affection. The other is two kids (one boy, one girl) racing from school, books and bags in hand.

Gruyeres was pretty cool. It is a castle surrounded by a little Medieval village that you can walk through. We parked at the bottom of a hill and walked up the steps through a pasture full of massive cows. (One made me nervous as he kept looking at me and licking his lips. I am not sure what cows exactly eat here, but I am hoping I don't fall into the dinner category). Each cow had a bell that was kind of tuned to be in the same key. I am normally one for "More Cow Bell!" but after a short bit here, I was ready to yell "Freeze" to the entire herd in a desperate attempt to slow the din.

We went through the castle and gardens -- very cool. We then ate at a cafe in order to grab some of the local cheese. Coby had eaten breakfast (one of the benefits of getting up in the a.m.) and was going to skip it -- but couldn't resist some good fondue. It was really good and creamy, and incredibly filling. Very nice.

We headed out, driving through mountains and vineyards, to a couple of other towns that had been recommended -- took some pictures of castles and stuff -- and ended up in Montreaux. We parked in a mall and walked along the lake. There was a festival (that promptly closed at 5) and lots of people were out walking and eating ice cream. I stopped to take a picture of Freddie Mercury who had recorded his last couple of albums there.

We returned to Geneva and took the night off. Coby watched movies in his room and I flipped my three English channels, read a bit, left a "Good Night" message for Nicole, and went to sleep.

Dinner and Entertainment -- and bartering for transportation

Thursday we had gone with our British friend Julie over the Aviator for the steak. The steaks here are not as good as in the US (thinner, slightly tougher) but the garlic sauce and the all-you-can-eat skinny little french fries more than make up for it. Heavy heavy food.

Friday night we didn't do much... I grabbed a book and headed over the hotel restaurant next door, but they didn't open until 6:30. ...and then they ignored me, so I wandered up to the bar and ordered sushi. I needed something without sauce, cheese, or massive amounts of fat. I then went back to work with Coby and convinced him at about 10 that we should stop and take a break.

There was some live music over at the bar and we sat and relaxed for a couple of hours. A broadway style cast started to trickle in to party about 11:30. ...and then at midnight we got the strangest question from a bartender ever.

See, she was new to the area and with the vacation schedules between the 4 bartenders (one was off for 5 weeks only to be followed by the next one for 4 weeks) she was working 6 days a week and double shifts. Her expectation was that while the bar should close at 2, that she would not be able to leave until 4. The rule here is that if there is someone at the bar, it stays open until they finish their drinks -- and then you have to finish up cleaning, etc...

She didn't have a car and taxis to go 12 kilometers over the border to her apartment would be close to 200 Francs. (I didn't verify, but even if it was half that, holy cow!) I would have been up to offer the ride home, but my generosity generally is open from 5 a.m. to 11:30 p.m. and usually takes off holidays and weekends.

So, the perky little French girl that she was -- she called her boyfriend who did the correct thing to do in a relationship -- offered to pick her up based on the hint, instead of making her flat out ask. Smart man.

So in return, she wanted to make it up to him, but was stuck with a dilemna that continues to baffle all Americans that come visit here. All stores close down around 6 p.m. on Fridays. So, she did the only thing that she could do to pay the poor boy back. She asked Coby and I if we could give her a condom.

I will say that while I am a strong supporter of safe sex -- I would only get in trouble if I had one as it would imply that I have the intention of sex without my wife. Therefore, for discretion's sake, let's just say that we were able to fulfill her need, but not from me. ...and got a free round in return.

Friday, June 29, 2007

We at least get more presents..

The Europeans get a few more holidays than we do in the U.S. The challenge of this project has been much more about scheduling resources to actually be in the office instead of any significant technical challenges. We should definitely be jealous of the time spent outside the office.

However, we do have one day a year where we "win". Today was our AP Manager's birthday. In the US, this might mean that someone would have taken her out for her birthday, or maybe a little cake or goofy presents. In EMEA, the deal is reversed. On your birthday, you are supposed to bring in something for everyone else. It works out for me, but I definitely don't plan on coming back for my birthday.

We waited to procrastinate to the last minute on our travel plans. We originally thought that we would try to fly somewhere exotic, but I think with all the work we have we need to get done, we are only going to take Saturday to tool around the countryside -- maybe to go to Gruyeres castle (for the cheese and double cream) and Interlaken for the views... TBD.

Right now it is 6 and we are going to sneak away whiles the US goes to lunch before anyone asks me to do any more "favors" for them. My favorite part of these requests are the start of the sentence... "I know that you are busy but..." or "Hey, I know that you are completely consumed with your project, but..." That "but" is a killer.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

It isn't paranoia...

...if they really are trying to get you. It is the subtle little things that make me think that Europe is ready for me to go home. Not necessarily trying to cause permanent damage, but enough to get the message across.

Sign 1: The shower is heat regulated, where there is a special button to press if you want it to go to more extreme temperatures. I leave it at the same place (about 42 C) yet starting in week 2, housekeeping likes to randomly change it to the highest setting. I haven't shattered the mirror jumping out of the shower -- yet.

Sign 2: The hidden wonders of the food... I learned last time that they don't pit their olives on pizza. Was a bit surprised that they didn't pit their cherries in the tarts. As I am on the home stretch for my second round of braces -- having to go home to the Orthodontist is less than exciting.

Sign 3: Laundy runs about $25/day for me. I am now in the process of buying new underwear, socks and t-shirts as it is cheaper than cleaning them. I would have to guess that this is a bit contrary to the Sierra Club approach -- but I have now spent over $200 on laundry and I am not finished. Time to go.

Sign 4: Television options. I have the European CNN, BBC Prime and BBC News. I am watching old movies in French -- and I must say that not understanding the dialogue in "Double Team" with Jean-Claude Van Damm and Dennis Rodman actually makes it watchable.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Mont Blanc

Now with a new found confidence in European touring, I left Coby to do this thing (which is work) for me to see Mont Blanc. No one seemed to want to join me, so I went by myself.

I was headed in the right direction and easily crossed over into France on only my second attempt. I was headed for a town called "Chamonix" where you can take a tram up almost to the top of Mont Blanc. Unfortunately, this was a toll road and the European Union had decided on the "Euro" as a currency over what I had in my wallet -- the Swiss Franc and almighty American dollar. Let's just say this...

Toll to Chamonix -- 4.70 Euros
Cost of Deoderant to cover stress sweat smell -- 2.50
Being able to use your Visa instead of offering the car behind you 50 Francs for 5 Euros -- Priceless.
Life and French Toll Booths take Visa.

I got there and took the train to the left side of the mountain. Thought "eh", had a little lunch (a Croque Monsieur which is like a grilled ham sandwhich with Mornay sauce in it and cheese melted on top). The carved ice display was closed so there wasn't a whole lot here. There was a small museum of mountain animals were the Elk had a very odd smile on his face that was a little freaky.

So I left and drove to the place where the tram takes you up to the top. I "meant" to do that first -- but my French lessons didn't include "tram", "High Altitude" or a la Star Wars -- "This isn't the tram you are looking for..."

It was, in a word, brilliant. My pictures just cannot take in the enormity of the mountain. (Posted on my facebook page). Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

My next goal is to sneak away from Coby and take a mountaineering class. My plan is to make something crash badly next Thursday. I will let you know how I do.

Now I am back to work and eating a delivery pizza. Note: They do not cut their pizza's here even for delivery. Second note: I don't fly with a knife.

Breakfast in Switzerland, Lunch in Liechtenstein, Dessert in Austria, Dinner in Germany

That was our goal. We had to do too much work to spend the night anywhere and we wanted to pick up a couple of countries. Seemed simple. 4 countries, 1 day. We would cover over 1,000 kilometers. (Is that a gilometer?)

Challenge 1. Neither of us knew how to get to Liechtenstein to get us started.
Challenge 2. We remembered to get a map after we had left the office and did not have access to a nice printer.
Challenge 3. The computer/printer at the hotel requires coins and charges by the page/minute.

Not to be overcome, I researched all of the information on my computer and then went to duplicate this on the hotel computer to print. What you should know about "google" and other websites abroad is that they cater to non-Americans. Odd, but Google in Switzerland is in German. You can choose English to search, but Google maps reverts back to German. So, as I was running out of coins, we printed directions in German. This worked fine once we realized that there the directions were telling us to turn right and not sending us to the same town over and over.

Border Crossing #1 (Switzerland to Liechtenstein)
We made Liechtenstein only to be horribly disappointed. It was a beautiful town, full of beautiful people -- sure -- but there was no McDonald's to be found. What kind of fit healthy people are these freaks? Nervous about the populace, we left Liechtenstein after settling for a tasty little brie/salami/tomato panini done with bread very reminiscent of croissant. (Coby had beer).

Border Crossing #2 (Liechtenstein to Switzerland)
We drove back across the border to head to Austria & Germany.

Border Crossing #3 (Switzerland to Liechtenstein)
We realized crossing the border that there was a cool little plaque that showed the border as we couldn't see anything else that would prove that we were here. So we turned around and took a picture

Border Crossing #4 (Liechtenstein to Switzerland)
...and then had to go back...

Border Crossing #5 (Switzerland to Liechtenstein)
...and then had to go back to get to Austria

Border Crossing #6 (Liechtenstein to Austria)
...and with that settled, we crossed over into Austria with a border guard wave of the hand. We stopped in a cute little town (Fieldriech) to satisfy the craving for mass produced meat burger product stuff at the local Herr McDonalds. Snapped some photos, I got an appel strudel at a local festival and we were on our way. I have to say that I have now seen the longest word ever. It was advertising the Sunday Buffet at the Holiday Inn and here was the word -- and I am not kidding "Langschlaferfruhstucksbuffet". I took a picture. I truly believe that the German people are so efficient in other aspects of their lives in order to make up for the time it takes them to communicate using words like that.

Border Crossing #7 (Austria to Liechtenstein)
We cannot escape... What seemed like an important destination now just seems to be in the way.

Border Crossing #8 (Liechtenstein to Switzerland)
Freeway found. We don't need no stinkin' directions. We are men. Manly men. Manly men that can't speak a lick of German so that there is no use even asking.

Border Crossing #9 (Switzerland to Austria)
Okay, now we are on a freeway... Crusing along at 140 (kilometers, but still that is moving)

Border Crossing #10 (Austria to Germany)
We were just going to pop in for our McDonald's picture, grab a Der ChikenFrufenNuggetshafen (my attempt at German) and get out. (Actually, I had a Mexican Chicken Wrap that wasn't bad.) It was called "Mexican Chicken Wrap" in German. Maybe my language skills are improving.

However, something weird was happening.

Not that I put anything past the German reputation, but we started noticing more an more people dressed in leather and boots and, well, seemed a little out of place for a stroll along the lake. We were headed down the lake to look for the ferry that could cut up to an hour out of our trip home by cutting across the lake. However, the ferry was $135 Euros and we couldn't get past the boat next to it.

To back up a bit, the lake that we were enjoying is Lake Constance which is bordered by Austria, Germany and Switzerland. There is some dispute about who governs the lake which really means that you can, in the vein I believe the Snap Dragons, "Do What You Like". This was some sort of fetish cruise. There were all kinds, ages and dressed -- although mostly undressed. ...and before anyone goes righteous on me, 90% were folks that had no business being undressed as in people that would make a mirror turn away. They were accountants and administrators, balding with glasses -- or at least that is what I focused on in order to get past the "Gimp" look. (The other 10% I admit were not too bad in a "Omigodyouareacompletefreak kind of way.) This was a car wreck that the entire town came out to watch. ...and cheer ...and bring their kids to see. This was a scene from the Twilight Zone if it were to be shown on Cinemax.

We left the scene to the sound of techno to grab a quick bite (I like to eat) at a local pub away from the masses. Quiet. Nice. Except that Team Jagermeister was promoting their stuff.... ...and wouldn't leave us alone.

We ran.

Border Crossing #11 (Germany to Austria)
Get me to my itty bitty room. Drive Coby Drive.

Border Crossing #12 (Austria to Switzerland)
1:30 a.m. "Home"